Can you be alone? What I mean is, are you good at it? Perhaps I should rephrase the question like this: can you be alone without feeling lonely? At this point your answer might be instinctual. Some reading this blog would say, ‘I like my own company, but I really want someone to go home to’. Others might say, ‘What is the point of life unless one can share it?’ The question I asked would trigger many to think about their loved ones and those they like to spend time with, including not only their families, but also friends and beloved pets. But actually, that is not really what the question is about. Delving deeper would often elicit comments like, ‘I don’t want to grow old alone’, and sometimes a challenge is made along the lines of, ‘Are you not also worried that you will have no one when you are old and sick?’
Sadly, many people who cannot be alone settle for just about any set of circumstances, as long as they do not have to be alone. Terrified of the pain of being lonely, they cling to people and things that are no good for them. This sounds like the kind of thing a drowning person would do. Fear makes us cling to stuff that could keep us afloat. Anything will do. Or anyone.
Like most people who are really good at being alone, I have had to learn to be good at it. Life was not going to tolerate my neediness and I found myself thrown into a space where I was going to be either lonely, or simply alone. If truth be told, it was a ‘blessing in disguise’ kind of scenario and the two weeks I purposefully locked myself up in my home without a phone line – this was before cell phones began sounding all over the planet – were the best investment of fourteen days that I could possibly have made. I did not, as I had expected at the time, die of loneliness. In fact, in the silence I began to hear an inner voice – calm, soothing, and firmly in my corner. I am now best friends with the silent, strong side of me who only emerges when my energy body is unencumbered by whatever else exists with me on this planet. She is wiser than I am when I am out and about, mingling with the others who are with me on similar journeys in this world. The thing is, she speaks softly, and I have to go to her through embracing solitude. In fact, she forces me to do so. She refuses to raise her voice for me to hear her over the noise of my fast-paced normal life, where embracing solitude feels like an impossible dream.
Of course I have loved ones and friends, and I love mingling with them and spending quality time with like-minded people. But life ensures that we also cross paths and share space with those who are not like-minded, to put it mildly. These spaces are very tough to be in. Lonely people are better at tolerating the spaces that become cramped with all kinds of people, where solitude is not to be found. They do not mind the noise and are unaware of the spiking energies twirling about, because for them the important thing is that at least they are not alone. The truth is that sharing space with people who are not like-minded, can cause one to learn a valuable lesson, namely that one can feel very lonely in a crowd.
I crave solitude. Always. I am addicted to it in a way. But I also love to be out and about. This means I have to find a balance. I try to recharge my energy body by embracing solitude as often as I can. When my personal power bank is low, I feel my personality changing – for the worse, and I lose touch with my usually compassionate, kind and loving nature. I feel as if I am on the frontlines of a war I am losing. This is when I know that my energy body’s boundaries are failing, enabling those around me to have an impact on me that is harmful. Why would this be? Could it be that I am an introvert and like my own company? Maybe I do not really like some of the people I have to spend time with? Perhaps they are exhausting me, or draining me in some way? Or how about the arrogant suggestion that my vibration is higher than the vibration of those I spend time with? None of these. Others are NOT responsible for my energy body or the state that it is in. I am. It is simply that we are entities made of energy, and a part of us is condensed into the physical body we live in. Our energy bodies are very real, despite the fact that we cannot see them. We know on a very deep level that we are so much more than a body. Our senses tell us that we are vibrant and alive, and somehow bigger than what the mirror shows us.
With that said, we should understand that while we are going about living life, a life we share with other humans, we are having to wield energy in our interactions with others. Our energy fields intermingle. A friend might be sad or depressed, or traumatised. A co-worker might be mad at the boss, or simply exhibit unacceptable behaviour that we can do nothing about. The ever present agents of chaos on our planet find a way to squeeze into every corner of life. This means that all day and all night we are busy living within our own field of energy, where our energy bodies are nurtured or depleted, depending on what is going on with and around us. Sometimes we forget to protect ourselves from others who take energy from us. Most do not mean to do this, as it is an instinctual act to feed on the energy of another. At other times we try to take their energy for ourselves, also not intentionally. This unseen tug of war between energy bodies is exhausting for everyone, to say the least. Energy beings find ways to feed off each other to get the energy they themselves might lack. Does this sound scary? It is.
So what do we do about the space we live and work in? Avoid everyone, move to an island, live off the land and learn to be alone? That does not sound like a good way to live a full and balanced life. Because life is for living, and we share this world with others. My decades on this planet have taught me two things. The first is that I am responsible for my energy body. I must know its boundaries and I must protect those, and I have to contain the energy within me that is required for me to remain in balance and in harmony with the world I live in. Secondly, and most importantly, I need to do this without blocking the flow of energy around me and within my space and surroundings.
This might sound easy for some, while for others it probably sounds as if it could be an effort to deal with one’s own energy body. Fortunately, it is neither easy, nor is it an effort. It is something that simply happens. It cannot be forced. You may wonder how one could attain a joyful state of being in balance and harmony, with boundaries that are intact, while simultaneously maintaining the flow of energy and life. I have found that I can achieve this state by fully embracing solitude whenever it is possible, and allowing my resultant recharged life energy to flow where it needs to, so that I can also embrace a balanced life that I am able to share when it is natural to do so. If you can manage to work some joy into the picture, then you are all set.
The next time you feel lonely, embrace it with all of who you are. Allow yourself to feel the sharp edges of loneliness for a little while. Sit quietly for a few moments and let it sink in. See your lonely self sitting on a nice comfortable chair, slouched and most unhappy. And then allow your imagination to cover the sad little figure in a blanket smelling fresh and clean, literally feeling its soft warmth on your skin, as you begin to enjoy the little pity party for one. Conjure up whatever will make that lonely version of you feel better – something warm to drink, sun shining through the window. Give your imagination free reign. Begin to focus on the warmth and comfort, and allow yourself to hear the silence itself, learn to discern that what you are feeling while sitting in comfortable silence all by yourself, is peace. A peace that flows from deep within you. Feel the silence shine its warm blessing onto you, like the rays of a golden sun, as you embrace a blessed solitude that you can keep as a cherished gift inside your heart. Feel the fear release your mind as your heart opens. You can now let the love in your heart pour out so that you can share it while you live your life amongst fellow travellers, negotiating the energy planes of existence.
The day may come when you feel your little light dimming, your battery power on the low side. That is the time to take stock of where you are and who you surround yourself with. Are you able to embrace all the solitude you need to be strong enough to remain balanced in the chaotic space you find yourself in? If not, it is time to leave that space – whether it is work, a friendship, a marriage, a neighbourhood – and never look back. The gifts solitude can bring into our lives, are our Creator’s gift to us. If we are brave enough to go there, we find the treasured inner power that we have to rely on to get us through life, a life filled with others. We need this gift, because of course in this crazy world others make life tough for us, and we often return the favour. We all make someone unhappy at some point in our lives. No one is innocent in this game. It is just that those who manage their energy body and its power levels the best, are the ones who get through this life with fewer bruises. If you are not able to embrace solitude, how will you recharge, when even your Creator knew that you would need solitude not only to survive, but to thrive when you are outside of that solitude, living a normal life?
We were not meant to be lonely. But we were made with the ability to embrace solitude, so that we can comfortably be alone, and so that life itself can flow to, and through us. When you can embrace solitude, you will have the natural ability to step into the power of one-ness, so that you can fully, joyfully, and lovingly share all of you with whomever you choose to. And they will turn to the light that is within you. You won’t need to cling to them. They will stay. Because you are a beacon, shining wherever you go, whether you are alone or in togetherness.
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